Janis Joplin

". . . The tranquilizers have really helped & just talking to that guy who's my 'counselor' now has, too. And so, because of my new insight, I'm beginning to see that maybe I owe you a slight apology. . . . "You know that I've been fairly adamant about my determination not to get fucked up again. Well, it seems now to have developed into a rather neurotic tenor. I never relax anymore. I never just talk to people. I never have fun--hell, I won't have fun. I seem to be really mortally afraid that things won't go right somehow & I'll end up back in that hellish jungle that I'm obsessed with. I'm constantly watchful & wary & really damn afraid. I'm . . . doing well in school because it's mortally important to me! But, god, this isn't right! "The reason I went to that counselor is because I had suddenly realized that I was building my stability & progress on sheer terror . . . ! . . . I keep talking about 'one step back' being the end of me & everything. ". . . [W]ow, baby, I'm really desperately, dis-proportionately afraid! And, from my new slightly objective vantage point, induced by Librium & a few days easy breathing, I think I was maybe a little dis-proportionately afraid of you, too. . . . ". . . [W]hat prompted me to this decision was this--you hadn't been writing, which to me means you're brooding or messed-up somehow, & then when I called, you were really out of it, unable to help me when I needed it, & you had gone out & gotten loaded. . . . I got some grass & tried to get loaded myself this weekend but couldn't. And I guess maybe I'm too hasty in assuming that LSD is more serious than grass, but to me it is. . . . "So hell, what is this? An apology? Not exactly--an effort to explain my newly-discovered neuroses, I guess. . . . ". . . I'm really doing well in school. . . . Making 'A's in 3, maybe 4, of my 5 classes. "Write to me, Peter; I don't know what's going on anymore." Janis Joplin (1943-1970), whose blues-belting voice assaulted the psychedelic scene of the late 1960s, hid a tumultuous inner life, whose revelation in this letter helps explain how she became the symbol of power and passion that she remains today. Before her rise as the lead of Brother & the Holding Company in the summer of 1966, Joplin had taken a break from her life in San Francisco, leaving behind a lover there: Peter De Blanc. De Blanc supported Joplin's determination to sober up by moving to her home town of Port Arthur, TX, where she attended school and wrote to her lover. Their plan to marry was broken off when she learned that De Blanc was expecting a child with another woman, after which she returned to her former life in California and where, five years later, she died from a heroin overdose..

. . . [Y]ou mentioned seeing a psychiatrist & that led me to believe that you must be having trouble. Are you? What's wrong? . . . [Y]our letter . . . was so vague that I still don't know what's wrong. . . . I'm just concerned. I just want to help you. . . . "I've been playing the guitar quite a bit--Laura's. And I've got big, hard, flaky callouses on my fingers. . . . I have worked up official--good enough for in front of people--arrangements to 4 or 5 songs. Mostly blues. And of course I've learned to pick well enough to do all manner of Joanie [Baez] ballads. . . . "Oh fuck, Peter, I can't get over it. . . . I'm afraid you're having trouble w/ your head. . . . You still know who & where you are, don't you? . . . You aren't getting fucked up behind it are you? Oh damn, what a drag I am! . . . [F]uck baby, you're all I've got & I just have to know you're okay! . . . ". . . I'm sorry I'm such a drag--I'm none too stable myself, & I worry about you baby. . . . I don't know what I'd do if you weren't okay. . . ." Janis Joplin (1943-1970), whose blues-belting voice assaulted the psychedelic scene of the late 1960s, hid a tumultuous inner life, whose revelation in this letter helps explain how she became the symbol of power and passion that she remains today. Before her rise as the lead of Brother & the Holding Company in the summer of 1966, Joplin had taken a break from her life in San Francisco, leaving behind a lover there: Peter De Blanc. De Blanc supported Joplin's determination to sober up by moving to her home town of Port Arthur, TX, where she attended school and wrote to her lover. Their plan to marry was broken off when she learned that De Blanc was expecting a child with another woman, after which she returned to her former life in California and where, five years later, she died from a heroin overdose..

. . ; they won't have to operate, will they? . . . ". . . I'm really gassed--I like every one of my teachers. . . . My sociology teacher is named Drenan. . . . He's very ugly, but sounds like a pretty good teacher in a hung-over fashion. . . . And my English teacher is the type . . . that I have always secretly adored. She's about 55, tall w/ gray hair in a bun & very old-fashioned. Not out of touch w/ the times, mind you, but . . . constantly asks questions, smilingly, . . . & sprinkles her lectures with quotations from authors. . . . And . . . my history teacher . . . --I picked him because I liked him. He's . . . tall, young, suspender-wearing, kind of gawky, sloppily dressed . . . . And my French teacher is a beautiful young woman w/ a very quiet voice & a pleasant manner. She has very long curly hair all piles loosely up on top of her head & a lovely smile. . . . ". . . One girl that I spoke w/ today at lunch is an old friend who used to be married to Bob Clark. Yes, he was married. But it just didn't make it--only a few months. But Frances is very nice, probably the closest Beaumont [TX, where her school is located] has to a sophisticated independent type. Y'know, very theatery & intelligent. She's all right. "In Art, we've been assigned three illustrations to do . . . . I'm going to do a thing for HELP!, the Beatle movie. I'm turning into a Big Beat enthusiast. Turning? Well, I already was. And I think the helter-skelter atmosphere ought to be a good thing to do. . . . ". . . I think it was lovely of you to write & ask my father for me [for her hand in marriage]. Wow, you're so sweet. . . ." Janis Joplin (1943-1970), whose blues-belting voice assaulted the psychedelic scene of the late 1960s, hid a tumultuous inner life, whose revelation in this letter helps explain how she became the symbol of power and passion that she remains today. Before her rise as the lead of Brother & the Holding Company in the summer of 1966, Joplin had taken a break from her life in San Francisco, leaving behind a lover there: Peter De Blanc. De Blanc supported Joplin's determination to sober up by moving to her home town of Port Arthur, TX, where she attended school and wrote to her lover. Their plan to marry was broken off when she learned that De Blanc was expecting a child with another woman, after which she returned to her former life in California and where, five years later, she died from a heroin overdose..

The drawing, full-length self-portrait sketch showing her new look, with ink labels describing details: "1. new hair-do, up in back sort of--you've seen me wear it this way . . . 4. New necklace I made myself. Do you remember those beads I had? . . . 8. Groovey ole sandals," occupying entire fifth page, 8x5 inches. ". . . I had completely learned all about Alexander the Great & the Roman Civil Wars & the 3 Punic Wars . . . . BUT! As I'm diligently answering the . . . test, the teacher writes on the board 'Discuss the interests and beliefs of Socrates, Aristotle, Zeno, & Epicurus.' 'Who?!!' I shrieked. Oh moan--I very well may have failed. . . . ". . . And what's all this about investing $10,000 in whatshisname's company & going to Europe? Oh Jesus Christ, Peter, why won't you just do an ordinary, practical, money-bringing-in-so-we-can-get-married kind of thing? I mean Jesus damn, my poor parents are really determined to like & respect you because you're my choice. And they know that 2 weeks ago you were going in the Army & if not, looking for a job . . . & whatthefuck . . . now I'm dancing around the room saying, 'Oh yes, he's fine! No, he hasn't found a job yet. He may . . . go to England . . . . Or, . . . he may go to Niagara Falls . . . or he may come to Houston . . . . Well of course he's ready to get married! He really is very settled down & responsible! Really! . . .' . . . . "Wow, baby, are you ready? I mean, . . . good god, dig yourself! . . . "I'm going to get my hair trimmed tomorrow . . . . Come to think of it--this is what I look like now: . . . [drawing]. ". . . Laura [her sister] & I are going to the Country Club today to bask in the sun & get a better tan. You know, she and I are really getting along well now . . . . ". . . [L]et me tell you of our evening last night. . . . Donn is the only friend my Father has. He's also the only man around here as smart as my father. . . . He and his wife came over . . . and we sat and talked mostly about books--for about 2 hours. As we were having coffee, two friends of mine came over--Philip Carter & his wife . . . . Philip is a very nice guy. Pipe smoking & very intelligent, just about to get his degree . . . . [W]e talked about juvenile delinquency which Phil is studying now & even about dope addiction where I astounded everyone w/ my knowledge. . . ." Janis Joplin (1943-1970), whose blues-belting voice assaulted the psychedelic scene of the late 1960s, hid a tumultuous inner life, whose revelation in this letter helps explain how she became the symbol of power and passion that she remains today. Before her rise as the lead of Brother & the Holding Company in the summer of 1966, Joplin had taken a break from her life in San Francisco, leaving behind a lover there: Peter De Blanc. De Blanc supported Joplin's determination to sober up by moving to her home town of Port Arthur, TX, where she attended school and wrote to her lover. Their plan to marry was broken off when she learned that De Blanc was expecting a child with another woman, after which she returned to her former life in California and where, five years later, she died from a heroin overdose..